Where is your third place?

Ray Oldenburg writes, in his book “The Great Good Place”, about the importance of the informal public gathering place, or as he calls it, your “third place”. He states that most of us spend the majority of our time in our first and second places – home and work (one and the same for some of us). Oldenburg refers to our third place as a special location, where we are able to partake of friendly conversation and immerse ourselves in the company of others. In a world that revolves around text messages, phone calls, online chatting, and internet based social networking, it is no wonder that we often find it hard to unwind. Technology is not what we need at the close of a busy day. We need good company, a smile (or two), and some friendly conversation.

I love third places. I grew up with one back home, in upstate New York. It was a tavern and it belonged to my Aunt Tessie and Uncle Mickey… sadly both now gone from this world. While growing up, the tavern was the hub of most family activity. Not a day goes by that I do not think about being there, sometimes sitting in the kitchen, talking with my aunt, and other times perched on a barstool talking to my uncle, or a cousin, behind the bar. I like third places so much that I once created a fictional one, in a very short story that I penned for my wife Laura. It was, to me, the perfect third place. The story takes place in Lake George, New York, a location well known to anyone familiar with the Adirondacks. In it, I write of a twilight walk through a late December snow and the hushed passing of time invoked by our surroundings. Laura and I eventually wander down to the village and into our favorite pub, where we sip hot chocolate and talk of days gone by and days to come, while the town outside slowly disappears beneath the gently falling snow.

I truly believe that without third places, we as individuals (and couples) become isolated. Who has not had a time in their life when they were starved for conversation and a friendly smile, perhaps one born of a chance meeting that begins with a gentle touch on the arm and a heartfelt “Hello”? It could be argued that internet based social networks (like Facebook) are third places… virtual versions of the old fashion meeting place. While I do marvel at their ability to circumvent long distance and connect lives that would otherwise be separate, I believe they fall woefully short of being real meeting places. They lack the essential property of an actual third place… being local. With facebook, distance means nothing. You can chat as easily with a friend down the street as you can with one across the Atlantic. In an “old fashion” meeting place, distances are short, making the simplest of things possible. Smiles are delightful and need to be seen. Laughter is contagious and meant to be heard. Take time to find your third place. Then make time to enjoy it.