Sinus Solutions, Inc.

I’ve done the research… there is no such thing as sinus removal surgery. Nope, you can’t have them ripped out. Therefore, in order to put an end to my sinus induced suffering, I've decided to have them filled in. Yep... you read that right... filled in, just like a pothole on the highway in springtime. I have opted for SRSP (Sinual-Resin Sealing Procedure), also known as The Blockhead Solution. My sinus cavities will be completely filled with a plastic resin made from 100% organic polymers. Once the resin hardens, the pressure within my head will be a blissful steady constant, and it will be impossible for my sinuses to fill with anything else. My head will be as solid as a bowling ball.

Of course there are a few draw-backs (read the next paragraph as quickly as you can… try to sound just like one of those announcers on TV… at the end of a prescription drug commercial… you know… the “fine print” part… where they tell you some people may suffer a few side-effects from the drug… like vomiting, diarrhea, chronic headaches, death, etc.)… all with a voice that speeds through the words as if it were a BMW on the Autobahn.

When I stand I will need to be held up by others because I will no longer have any sensation of balance. I will lose all ability to breathe through my nose; therefore chronic snoring will become an issue. I will lose my sense of smell (the most overrated of the senses in my opinion) and my voice will sound like that of Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer in the 1960’s TV special, after his father puts mud on his nose, because he is ashamed of him, and worried he will not be able to follow in his footsteps and be one of Santa’s reindeer, when in fact it is he who is ashamed of his own shortcomings, due to his domineering parents and… sorry… I digress.

Anyways, other than that, my doctor says I will be much better off... and of course I trust everything he says. I’m looking forward to the end of my sinus problems… and it’s all thanks to the good folks at DuPont Chemical (Sinus Solutions Division).

Anyways… just kidding of course… I came down with a really bad cold late last week… makes me fell better to joke about it.